Our emotions could fluctuate and we might experience all kinds of emotions in a day. Some emotions make you feel warm and fuzzy, like happiness and joy. Some are unpleasant, like sadness, anxiety, frustration and jealousy, which are uncomfortable and may be aggravating.

Sometimes, we react to our own emotions – for instance, feeling guilty about our jealously – which makes it worse because now we are feeling two negative emotions instead of one.

It could be difficult to verbalize and pinpoint exactly how we feel, particularly when we are feeling several emotions at the same time. We tend to brush our negative emotions aside, thinking that they will go away if we pay no attention to them. Unfortunately, that is not how it works. Emotions accumulate if we don’t process them, and they are going to resurface one day if left unprocessed. Every single emotion we feel is there for a reason and is trying to tell us something if we listen.

Have you ever wondered why we feel the way we feel?

Emotions motivate us to pursue things that help us survive, such as food, drink, love and companionship. They motivate us to engage in activities that are good for us, such as reaching out to a friend. They also motivate us to avoid things that are harmful to us, like dangers in the environment and predators/enemies. From an evolutionary perspective, guilt arises when we hurt someone’s feelings. This prevented us from making enemies, which lowered our chance of survival in the past.

In a previous post, I discussed the function of anxiety and the evolutionary perspective of it. In this post, we are going to take a look at more emotions.

Anger/Rage

Symptoms and signs:

Increased heart rate
Face flushed
Raised eye brows
Showing of teeth
Throwing fists or acting physical

Function: Anger is sometimes viewed as part of the fight or flight response. It motivates us to protect what is ours by confrontation. In the past, when someone stole our resources and food, anger motivates us to confront the person and reclaim what is ours. Currently, we feel angry when someone hurts us (e.g., breaking our boundaries). Anger motivates us to stand up for ourselves and defend ourselves. The next time you feel angry, be curious about what it is telling you. What are you trying to protect?

Function: Happiness indicates that we are satisfied and content with what we have. We feel safe and comfortable with our circumstances. We are relaxed, and usually we are less motivated to make changes when we feel happy. In the past, we felt happy when we had what we needed to survive (e.g., food, shelter and companions). Nowadays, joy and happiness continue to be a great motivator for us. We don’t usually ask ourselves why we feel happy, but we definitely know what we want in order to feel happy (“I’d feel happy if..….”). Explore this feeling the next time you feel joy or sense of calm, why is it there? If it is telling you that you have what you need, what could that be?

Fear/anxiety

Symptoms and signs:

Increased heart rate
Shallow and quick breathing
Shortness of breath
Discomfort in chest
Sweating
Trembling
Knot in the stomach

Function: Fear motivates us to perceive and quickly escape from danger and threat, as this highly increased our chance of survival in the past. Nowadays, fear continues to serve the same function – it allows us to react quickly when we find ourselves in a dangerous (actual or perceived) situation. When you feel fearful or anxious next time, check in with yourself: Are you actually in a life-threatening situation? Or are you just feeling that way because your mind perceives that something’s not right? Pay attention to your thoughts and physical reactions, which might shed light on the source of your fear. It could be a scenario, an object, or someone else’s reaction. Whatever it is, your fear is telling you what you are trying to avoid, and what is important to you. For instance, if you worry about negative judgment from others, it shows that others’ approval or appreciation is important to you. Obviously, there could be underlying fear that requires more in-depth exploration to uncover. But once you start being curious about your emotions, you are on the right track.

Sadness

Symptoms and signs:

Low energy/fatigue
Inability to sleep or oversleeping
Lack of appetite or increased appetite
Loss of interest
Feeling more sluggish or slow
Crying
Heaviness in your chess

Function: Our sadness lets us know that something is missing, or that something isn’t right. In the past, when we lost something important to us (e.g., a week’s worth of food; shelter; family members), our sadness kicks in. It motivated us to prevent these situations from happening. Without sadness, we wouldn’t care if we lost our home, or ran out of food. We wouldn’t try to keep our family together. Nowadays, sadness serves the same purpose. It indicates the absence of something important to us, or the loss of something valuable. It could manifest in the form of grief. The reason why we are sad is not always obvious, but it does no harm to be curious about it. What do you wish you had at this time? Have you noticed anything that lifts your mood, even if it’s temporary? What do you need to feel better?

Disgust

Symptoms and signs:

Wrinkled nose
Narrowed eyes
Covering nose/mouth
Nausea/vomiting
Revulsion in our mouth and throat
Upset stomach

Function: Disgust allows us to avoid and turn away from things that are harmful to us. Certain food, rotten or dead substances evoke feelings of disgust so we would not ingest toxins. Nowadays, gruesome injuries and perversions/ actions (e.g., torture or other inhumane behaviours) are likely to trigger this feeling. When you find yourself feeling disgusted over something that someone said or did, again, it is helpful to be curious about it and see how it is related to your previous experiences.

Surprise

Symptoms and signs:

Feeling startled
Increased heart rate
Muscle tension
Raised eyebrows
Widening of eyes

Function: Surprise interrupts whatever we are engaged in, and directs us to a new stimulus that is significant in our environment. It notifies us of something unexpected that is worth our attention. It helps us determine what is happening and whether there is a threat. It is usually expressed for a second, and is subsequently followed by other emotions. It triggers the fight or flight response, and allows us to quickly react based on the circumstances. Usually when we notice that there is no threat in our immediate environment, we could easily return to the task that we were engaging in.

Guilt/Embarrassment

Symptoms and signs:

Flushed face
Lack of eye contact
Upset stomach or nausea
Tearfulness

Function: Guilt is unpleasant. It exists to prevent us from making the same mistakes again, particularly mistakes that could damage relationships. It is a sense of responsibility related to our actions, when we feel that it is our fault that something bad happened. In a way, it motivates us to act according to a moral code. When guilt arises after we made a mistake, chances are we will avoid making the same mistake in the future to prevent feeling that way again. It also motivates us to make amends and to correct the mistake (e.g., by apologizing or doing something to compensate for our wrongdoing). From an evolutionary perspective, guilt allows us to stay connected with one another and to maintain social bonds. Nowadays, guilt continues to serve this purpose. However, there are times when guilty feelings are not warranted because we didn’t do anything wrong. An example would be survivor’s guilt, when after a traumatic event you feel guilty for being one of the survivors. When guilt arises, ask yourself if there is a reason why you should feel that way and whether you actually did something wrong. When is the guilt triggered? Is it because of something that someone said, that reminded you of a previous experience? What kinds of thoughts go through your mind?

Of course, we feel emotions differently based on our past experiences and genetic predisposition. The same event that triggers anger in you might trigger fear in others. The truth is, there’s no “one size fits all” answer to explain why we feel the way we feel. It is important to ask yourself what function each emotion serves? When working with a counsellor/psychotherapist, you will have the opportunity to further explore your emotions that could be complex. Your therapist will ask you different questions about the emotions and your experience of them. Together, you will find the appropriate words to represent how you feel, as well as ways to express them and manage them when they arise.

If working through complex emotions is something that you are interested in and you would like to talk more about it, drop me a message here.