December is here – we have officially entered the holiday season. How do you usually feel this time of year? Christmas decorations have been rolled out, and holiday drinks are being advertised everywhere. Do you feel the excitement and warmth that marketers and businesses are trying to generate?
I tend to feel stressed this time of year, because it means that more responsibilities are being added to my plate. Christmas cards must be purchased, written and mailed well before December 25th. Gift shopping could get tedious, and I don’t particularly enjoy wrapping presents. There are tight deadlines, because these tasks have to be completed before all the holiday gatherings. Scheduling these gatherings is not easy either with everyone’s conflicting schedules.
As I am ranting, a little voice in my head goes: it’s all about perspective - the holiday could be the best time of the year.
And so I took a step back, and pondered the meaning of Christmas and the holiday season in general.
At the end of the day, Christmas is what we want it to be. The obligations, traditions and expectations almost don’t matter if all they do is create stress.
When you think of “Christmas”, or “the holidays”, what comes to mind? Presents? The snow? Fireplace? Turkey? Family? Time off? Or something intangible like love and connection?
Anxiety, errands, being broke or family drama is definitely not the purpose of the holidays.
Is it possible to have a meaningful holiday without having to go through all that stress? Can we enjoy this special time of year if we only focus on what matters to us?
If we know our limits, and only commit to things that are within our capability, December would be a much more relaxing month. Here’s how:
Check in with yourself:
It is easy to forget about the deeper meaning of the holidays, such as love and companionship; appreciation; connection and togetherness. Having that in mind, what is your objective and how can you celebrate it in a way that brings out these meanings?
What are your needs? What is important to you in this holiday season?
Family?
Hosting parties?
Getting heartwarming gifts for loved ones?
Spending time with just a few close friends?
Cozying up on the couch in front of a fireplace?
Christmas means different things to us. To some, it’s all about family and traditions. Your family might be overseas, and this could be the only time of the year that you get to see them. There could be traditions that you’ve been following for decades and that could be a priority. Putting up the tree, exchanging gifts, new year countdown, Black Friday shopping etc… these could be activities that define the holiday season for you.
Who do you value spending time with? You grandparents? You cousins? Your best friend? It doesn’t have to be your family, since family doesn’t always provide warmth and security. Family gatherings could be overwhelming. There could be a history of recurring trauma that continues to impact you. For me, my dogs are the ones that HAVE to be present.
What activities bring you happiness and joy? Cooking your favourite dish for loved ones? Hosting a Christmas-themed party? Playing Secret Santa with your family? Decorating the Christmas tree? Watching Christmas movies with your pups and a glass of eggnog?
What are your priorities?
Once you have checked in with yourself and identified all the important elements of an ideal celebration, organize them based on their level of significance. If you run out of time, what are you willing to let go of and still be able to feel joyful? Find an anchor (e.g., a statement or an image) that would remind you of your priorities throughout this month. For example, if nourishing close relationships with a selected group of friends is my anchor, all of my planned actions would be based on this anchor. I would schedule a get together with these individuals first and start exploring meaningful gifts that I could get them. We would start discussing activities to do together on the day of our meeting. I will not be sending Christmas cards to everyone I know. I will not try to arrange gatherings with every single friend.
Setting boundaries:
Make a to-do list based on your priorities. Go through the list again, and ask yourself if you truly enjoy every single item on the list. If not, cross them out. Setting boundaries is of particular importance during this time of year. It is much easier to say “yes”, and leave the consequences till later, than to say “no” and be subjected to pressure and potential disappointed looks. Resist the temptation of saying “yes” to events or people that are less important to you.
Make promises to yourself ahead of time. For instance:
I promise not to stay for more than 2 hours at the company event.
I promise not to spend more than $xxx on gifts.
I promise to space out my social events so that I will have one full day of alone time
Although we are social animals, social engagements are mentally draining and sometimes we do need to recharge our social energy. Plan ahead and reserve time for yourself.
It is also important to express your needs and ask for help when needed. Guilt is common when you are learning to be assertive. When you feel guilty, remind yourself that you are doing this for yourself, and that you would be a better companion if your needs are met! Self-compassion might be helpful. It is helpful to be clear about your needs. Leave no room for negation. If you are attending a party and decided to stay for an hour, arrange your own transportation (instead of carpooling with friends) so you have the freedom to leave whenever you want. Don’t let others pressure you to stay, or decide for you what you are going to eat and wear during the holiday parties. We all know how easy it is to succumb to peer pressure and keep stuffing our faces until there is nothing left on our plate. We might not want to upset the person who cooked for us, and therefore we try our best to not leave food behind. It is a heroic act, but again, these parties lose their meaning once you start doing things for others.
Be Flexible:
Having a flexible mindset is crucial to a stress-free holiday.
Tailor tasks to your needs. For instance, even if you committed to managing your finances responsibly this holiday season, you don’t have to take out gift-giving entirely – you can set a budget, and select a few individuals to gift to. There are no rules to this. The same goes for hosting parties. If you see the value of hosting a party, you have the right to select who, and how many people you wish to invite. A spotless home, Christmas decorations, gourmet food, and Christmas-themed desserts are things that you could let go of as well.
A lot of times, we struggle with the idea of having the “perfect” Christmas, which causes stress and anxiety. But at the end of the day, Christmas is not about being perfect. It is about being genuine and connected with your loved ones.
Plan ahead:
Needless to say, it is a good practice to plan ahead. Schedule your gatherings in advance, so you don’t have to be stuck with having to manage conflicting schedules. Similarly, shop for presents ahead of time and avoid procrastinating.
Life does not stop just because the holiday season is here. It only means that we have more to juggle during this time of year. However, with the right mindset (i.e., having your priorities straight and being flexible), it could be stress free.