Counselling and Self-Esteem

It is normal to feel alone when you are struggling with self-esteem and confidence issues. Sometimes, it is difficult to help those around you to understand what you are going through. Sometimes you might not get the support you need from loved ones. This is where psychotherapy and counselling would be helpful. With the support of a psychotherapist, you will be able to understand the origin of your low self-esteem, and learn skills to foster confidence and self-worth. This is what therapy with me looks like:

I will ask you questions to help you better understand how your upbringing/ life experiences have affected the development of your self-esteem.

Our parents (or other adult figures) model how we “should” think and feel about ourselves. A lot of times the relationships with our parents contribute to our self-worth. What kind of compliments did you receive growing up? What kind of values or beliefs did they impose on you? Did you feel like you had to behave in a certain way to “earn” their love?

I will help you identify the root of your lack of confidence. We will understand the triggers of negative feelings associated with your self-worth.

How would you fill in the following blanks?

“When someone says that I am … I feel ….”

“I feel the worst about myself when ….”

We have underlying core beliefs about ourselves (e.g., “I am incompetent”) that could lead to self-defeating thoughts. It is helpful to be aware of our core beliefs in order for us to combat these negative thoughts. Often times, these beliefs are overly generalized and may not be accurate. Together, we will discuss strategies that could help you cope with these thoughts/core beliefs.

We will explore what helps you feel confident and increases your self-worth. You might discover strengths and values that you never noticed before.

“I feel the best about myself when ….”

“It is important to me that I am able to …”

I will help you identify and celebrate milestones and achievements that you might have overlooked.

Sometimes we forget about our achievements, and therefore it is beneficial to have someone who is unbiased to reflect on your past experiences with you. For instance, if you are dealing with depression, getting up in the morning or taking a shower are HUGE accomplishments!

We will work towards building a better understanding of who you are, as well as developing a healthy and realistic sense of self. Acceptance often comes into play.

Together, we will develop insight into who you are (strengths and weaknesses), as well as explore what your unique qualities are. We will implement different techniques, such as positive affirmation. Therapy goals are to accept who you are and learn to appreciate your unique qualities.

You will develop a better understanding of your needs and how these needs could be met.

Being cognizant of your needs and meeting these needs are crucial to your confidence. These include basic needs (e.g., quality of sleep; diet and nutrients), psychological needs (e.g., time for relaxation; affection) and self-fulfillment needs (find out more about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs here).

You will also develop better awareness of your inner critic.

We all have an inner critic (sometimes multiple) that develops overtime. Sometimes it could be the voice of an adult figure from when we were young. I will help you be more mindful of this voice, and learn ways to gain distance from it to reduce its negative impact on you.

I will share skills/tools with you to help you cope with negative emotions and self-defeating thoughts that are associated with self-esteem issues.

I draw on theories and techniques from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, as well as Mindfulness- and Acceptance-Based Therapy in my work with clients. I use an integrative approach that is tailored to your individual needs.

As your therapist, I will be with you along the way while you work through these challenges. It is definitely beneficial to have the opportunity to reflect on past experiences, build insights and discover who you are, as well as celebrate your unique qualities and accomplishments. In our sessions, you do not have to hide your vulnerabilities. You do not need to worry about judgment or “being a burden”. All you have to do is be genuine and be fully present with me during our time together. It is difficult to estimate the number of sessions required for you to build a healthy sense of self, as it depends on a myriad of factors, including past traumas, support system and ongoing experiences. If you have more questions regarding self-esteem or psychotherapy/ counselling in general, please contact me here.