Welcome back! Today, I would like to continue with our discussion on ways to manage our tendency to overthink. If you missed my previous post, which explains why and how our brain spirals, please click here!
There are usually two approaches in combatting negative thought patterns that are often times automatic and habitual.
Top-down approaches involve more active thinking, reasoning and reflection, whereas bottom-up approaches allow us to work with our body, including our senses, automatic nervous system and fight-flight-freeze responses.
Each approach involves different parts of our brain. They are equally helpful, depending on the nature of your struggles and your emotional state.
Bottom-up approaches are beneficial when we are stuck in an emotional turmoil (which is often the outcome of spiraling). We might feel overwhelmed, hopeless, frustrated, sad, and anxious. We sometimes freeze, withdraw, or become agitated and restless. The alarm system of our survival brain is usually triggered during these emotional storms, as it might interpret our emotions as an indication of imminent threat, despite the lack of actual threat. Intense emotions take over our reasoning brain, hijacking our ability to think rationally or to make decisions. These are the times when communicating to our survival brain via our body/ senses would be helpful. Fight-flight-freeze responses are automatic, which means that we can’t reason with our brain to prevent it from activating these reactions. This is why our heart starts racing when we watch horror movies, even though rationally, we are certain that there is no actual threat around us.
Fortunately, there are ways where we can calm our nervous system, and these strategies are detailed here.
Top-down approaches, on the other hand, are helpful when your reasoning brain is still active and online. You might feel somewhat sad or anxious because of the snowballing/ spiraling, but you are not entirely overwhelmed. You are still in control and are able to reason with yourself. Remember how we can form new neural pathways, and neurons that fire together tend to have stronger relationships with each other? This is how learning occurs. Just like how negative thought patterns can become automatic and habitual overtime, positive thinking and being in the present can also be learned. Whenever you think a new, positive thought, new neural pathways are formed. Whenever you practice being mindful (instead of travelling too far into the future or back to the past), you are creating, then strengthening the neural pathways of mindfulness.
The more you think a particular thought, the easier it is for that thought to come to mind. It becomes more accessible. It’s exactly the same as how we learn new skills. Practice makes perfect. The more your practice a skill, the better you become at it.
Not all of the skills suggested below have to do with changing the nature of your thoughts. Some are mental distractions that serve to pull your attention away from the negative thoughts that are preoccupying your mental space.
Play a game that is mentally demanding
There are an abundance of cognitive games online that are likely to pull your attention away from whatever your mind is preoccupied with. Games that test your memory, reaction and logic all require you to think and pay attention. Sudoku, solitaire, and crossword puzzles are also great alternatives. Give mental games a try when you notice yourself starting to spiral. Perhaps you will be able to shift your focus to the game and thereby putting a brake on your snowballing thoughts.
Give yourself worry time
Yes, you heard me right. Instead of constantly trying to stop yourself from worrying/ ruminating (which we now know does not work), what if you allocate 15 minutes per day where you can do nothing but worry? Set a timer, and give yourself the time to be immersed in your worries. Address any concerns or rumination you have during that time. What does it feel like to allow yourself to worry?
For the rest of the time, try to set the worry or negative thought aside whenever it surfaces. It might actually be easier for you to set it aside when you know that at the end of the day you will get 15 minutes to deal with it. That way, your worry is less likely to disrupt your day. As you are doing that, you are actually practicing mindfulness simultaneously, because you are actively being aware of and categorizing your thoughts.
Write down thoughts that are bothering you
I often recommend my clients to write down their thoughts whenever they find themselves worrying or feeling sad. Writing your thoughts down allows you to give them shapes and forms, thereby transforming them from something abstract and invisible into something concrete – you can literally see them right in front of you.
Writing negative thoughts down is cathartic – it allows you to empty your mind. Keep writing until you feel that every single thought has been put on paper. Nothing is hidden; nothing goes unnoticed.
You can document and keep track of thoughts that come to mind.
It helps you organize your thoughts.
You might start noticing a pattern, which helps you be more aware of similar thoughts the next time they resurface again. Acknowledge that this is a common theme and don’t judge yourself for it.
Through writing, you are gaining some distance between you and your thoughts. As you look at your thoughts, they might feel like “a part of you”, instead of something that you identify with 100%.
You can also use your phone/ laptop for this exercise
Read what you wrote and remember that “thoughts are not facts”
After you feel that everything has been put on paper, take a moment to read what you wrote. You never know – but you might realize something new or gain a different perspective while reading your thoughts. Your current self is slightly different from your past self that was frantically writing every thought down. We change moment to moment - our mood, our perspective, and reading your own thoughts again could offer you a fresh perspective.
Alternatively, you might find yourself continue to be feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts. They still sound nothing but true. You just don’t seem to be able to pull yourself away from them. During these times, remember that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts do not represent you, or any facts. Your mind can travel anywhere, but it does not change the reality. At this moment, what you worry about has not happened, and it might never happen. We have no control over that right now. Worrying does not give you that control either. Additionally, the past that you were ruminating about stays in the past. The present is all you have. You can only make choices for the present moment.
Tear the piece of paper up and throw it in the trash
If you don’t feel like reading what you wrote, that’s fine. Another strategy that my clients find helpful is to shred the piece of paper that carries all your negative thoughts. Throw the pieces into the trash. It may seem silly, but the act itself does serve as a release.
Positive affirmations and gratitude
When we think a positive thought (e.g., via gratitude/ compassion), our brain is building new neural pathways that will be reinforced and strengthened through repetition.
This is why it is helpful to end your day with one or two things that you are grateful for. You are literally building new pathways in your brain that will benefit you in the future. Some people find immediate relief when they realize things that they are truly grateful for, but if you don’t, at least remember that you are practicing a new skill. You are learning to combat automatic negative thought patterns with positive thoughts. You can also do this by cultivating compassion for yourself, or someone else. Send kind thoughts to someone you love, or do something that you enjoy. You don’t have to always feel grateful, but at least do something for yourself that kindles a sense of calm in you.
Give these top-down and bottom-up approaches a try and let me know what works better. Both approaches are extremely beneficial when used at the right moment.
As always, if you are considering counselling to work on negative thought patterns, contact me here to schedule a free telephone consultation.