Thoughts-Emotions-Behaviours
Thought patterns and beliefs play a significant role in our emotions.
In fact, our emotions and thoughts are interrelated. Together, they impact our behaviours. But it’s not a one-directional relationship. These three variables (thoughts, emotions and behaviours) interact with each other – meaning, our behaviours could also alter our emotions and thoughts.
As shown in the following example, our thoughts can change how we feel and how we react:
What are cognitive distortions?
There are certain beliefs and thought patterns that don't necessarily reflect the true reality, and sometimes they elicit negative emotions. Negative beliefs about ourselves, others and the world, in particular, could paint a rather grim picture of the environment we live in. Thought patterns that are “false” or “untrue” could contribute to depression, anxiety and low self esteem.
It is important to remember that we are not our thoughts. It may make total sense to trust our brain, but ultimately, our brain is flawed, and our thoughts do not always represent the reality. This reminder helps us be cognizant of our thoughts, and also our reactions to our thoughts.
Fortunately, we can learn to recognize potential flaws in our thinking, and actively change them.
Psychotherapy sometimes targets negative beliefs and maladaptive thoughts (also termed cognitive distortions). Your psychotherapist will help you identify cognitive distortions that perpetuate negative emotions, examine these thoughts patterns and alter them to help you have a more realistic view of yourself and the world.
Types of Cognitive Distortions
Here are some common cognitive distortions that happen so automatically that they are sometimes difficult to catch.
Assumptions:
We all make assumptions – sometimes these assumptions are true, other times they are not. It is easy to mistake assumptions for truth if we don’t question their validity. Examples include times when we think our friends are mad at us because they have been texting us less frequently, and it turns out that they just had a busy day. Or negative assumptions you make about future experiences that deter you from participating in those experiences (e.g., “I’m not going to this social gathering because I won’t have a good time anyway”). Again, you might feel that these thoughts are facts, when they aren’t. During these times, allow yourself to imagine the alternative. What if my assumptions are wrong? What if I actually enjoy this gathering? You are more likely to change your actions if you are willing to question your assumptions.
Do you remember a time when you thought you wouldn’t enjoy an activity, but you did it anyway, and it turned out to be a good experience?
Magnification & Minimization:
This happens when we exaggerate or minimize the importance and meaning of certain things. We tend to exaggerate the consequences of our mistakes, and minimize our achievements and strengths. It is also common for us to magnify others’ achievements, and undermine our own.
Examples:
“My supervisor just gave me negative feedback, I must be a horrible worker”
“I did well on this test, but so did Amy, so it’s not really an achievement”
“She got the promotion because she worked hard; I was promoted because of luck”
Generally, magnification and minimization entail some kind of comparison.
Make it a habit to keep an eye out for these two maladaptive thought patterns, and remind yourself to look at the situation from a more “reasonable” perspective. Can you be more fair in your judgment of yourself? Are you using the same “ruler” to measure your strengths and weaknesses? A good exercise that I have my clients do in our sessions is to ask themselves, “Would I have magnified/ minimized these mistakes/ achievements if they happened to someone else?”
Mind you - I’m not saying that we should measure ourselves up against others, because there are always going to be people who are better than us at something. What I’m saying is if you find it difficult to control your urge to compare yourself with others, at least use the same ruler so that it’s a fair comparison.
Catastrophizing:
When you catastrophize, you exaggerate the negative consequences. Your mind immediately jumps to the worst case scenario
“It’ll be horrible if ____ happens”
Catastrophizing is also a type of magnification.
Catastrophizing negative experiences makes us develop strong fear towards those scenarios (e.g., Life would be over if I get fired. Therefore, I must not get fired).
We become obsessed with the feared scenario. We do all we can to avoid it.
We start limiting ourselves to prevent the feared scenario from happening. We might build fences around us to keep ourselves “safe”. These barriers, however, are likely to take away our ability to live a fulfilling life. Most of the time, we become depressed or anxious because of the constant fear and restrictions that we impose on ourselves.
We catastrophize negative life events like breakups, being fired, falling sick, losing a loved one etc. Yes, these life events are difficult and challenging, but we are stronger than we are willing to give ourselves credit for.
In addition, a lot of these feared scenarios aren’t things that happen on a regular basis. It is helpful to ask yourself the following questions:
“Should” statements:
How many times have you told yourself that you should/ shouldn’t do something?
We frequently set expectations for ourselves, and when we aren’t able to meet those expectations, we feel ashamed and guilty. When we do meet these expectations, however, we don’t feel particularly positive either because “I should have done it anyway”.
Having these “should” statements and taking actions based on “should’s” really limit our ability to be flexible. In addition, given that life is constantly changing, what applied in the past might no longer be applicable to our present. The problem with these statements is that they feel like universal rules, but when you take a second look at them, you’d realize that they actually aren’t. Just because you feel that you should do something, doesn't mean that you have to, or that you’re a failure if you don’t.
Try changing “should” to “can”, or “could” instead. Say these statements out loud. Make sure that your tone of voice is gentle, not harsh. See if it changes how you feel:
All-or-none thinking:
This is also called “black and white thinking". All-or-none thinking is when your thinking does not allow for grey areas.
Things are either all good, or all bad. Your friends are either supportive, or not. You are either perfect, or a failure.
This kind of thinking only allows room for extremes, when in reality, very few things are extreme. We don’t live in a binary world.
Do you notice anything familiar in the following statements?
“If I don’t get 90% on this test, I’m stupid”
“If I don’t get this job, I’m a failure”
“If my friends don’t call me regularly, they don’t care about me”
“If my partner breaks up with me, I am unlovable”
Again, we can actively change our thinking to allow room for flexibility. Challenge these statements. Identify the grey areas. Is there space for you to exist between the two extremes?
Let’s look at the first example. Many factors go into how well one performs on a test. Intelligence clearly is not the only determining factor. Can you fail one test, and still be a fairly intelligent person?
Write out your all-or-none thinking statements, and look between the two extremes (e.g., lovable versus unlovable; failure versus success; smart versus stupid). You’ll find that many of these statements follow this formula: If A, then B (usually negative). Ask yourself if it is possible that: A ≠ B? Going to back our examples - even if you don’t get the job, is it possible that you’re not a failure?
It is difficult to immediately remember all these cognitive distortions. But you can begin by noticing your thoughts, and see if you fall into the trap of cognitive distortions. Everyone does – and that’s okay. The more you pay attention to your thoughts, the easier it will be for you to challenge and change those thoughts.
I will address more examples of cognitive distortions in my next post.
Let me know what you think about these examples! As you process what we discussed, are you becoming more aware of your thoughts and potential flaws in your thinking? How does being aware of these flaws change you? Drop me a message here or leave a comment down below!